


Darkness within

by FKAErinElric



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Brothers North Italy & South Italy (Hetalia), Gen, Italy just isn't himself, Minor Germany/North Italy (Hetalia)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FKAErinElric/pseuds/FKAErinElric
Summary: My name is Italy Veneziano, and this is my story... the story of when I lost my mind and succumbed to the darkness within





	1. Chapter 1

There were several things I knew to be fact. One I was an idiot, two I'm a coward, and three I was really developing issues. I don't know what started these… feelings. All I know is that one day I realized I wasn't… how should I put this feeling like myself anymore. I don't when it started exactly but all I know is that I'm in pain. Not physical pain but emotional pain. It's hard to explain how I feel now. I spend hours on end crying and sometimes I spend time having panic attacks. Each day it seemed to get worse but there's one thing I do know I really need to get this off my chest… this story needs to be told… My name is Italy and this is my story of the worse few days of my life.


	2. That sinking feeling

I yawned loudly as I got up from the bed I shared with my brother. I look back at Romano who was sound asleep. I get out of bed and start my day. After a shower and a change of clothes I walk back into our room and find him still asleep. "Romano." I said.

I walked over to his side of the bed and shook him. "Ve~ wake up Romano."

"No, leave me alone."

I grumbled. Sometimes my older brother was a handful. "But you have to get up we have to go to the world conference today."

Romano rolled over and ignored me. This gave me an idea. I opened up the curtains wide letting in the sunlight. Romano groaned and covered up his face. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it off of him. "Pasta!" I cheered.

Romano sat up. "Damn it brother why are you waking me up?"

I laughed at him and tossed the blanket on the floor. "I'm going to make breakfast." I beamed as I looked back at him.

I wondered into our kitchen. It's no secret I do enjoy cooking… well cooking pasta mainly. I have learned several recipes from other people throughout my life. The kitchen seemed darker for some reason. I paused blinking a few times. No it was defiantly darker. I felt a sudden headache come on and a sinking feeling that something bad was about to happen. I reached over to the light switch and turned it one. This only lights the room slightly. That's when I saw it or him or something was lying face down on our table. I jumped but didn't cry out not yet at least. I inched over to the body and reached out to touch it. Suddenly the fallen person began to look like Romano. Romano faces down in his own blood with a knife in him. I screamed the loudest I had ever screamed in my life.

I back up fast and ran into someone. "Veneziano what is wrong?"

I looked up to see Romano who was still in his night clothes. I paused wait a minute what the heck did I see. I looked back at the table. There wasn't any one there. The lights were back to normal and the kitchen was light up like a summer day. I laughed. I couldn't tell him the truth he would just laugh at me. "Nothing, Romano. I thought I saw a mouse that's all."

He frowned. "Screaming like that over a mouse." He placed his hand on me to reassure me. "Here I thought someone was killing you."

I shook my head. "Nope."

He paused then nodded. "I'm going to get ready. Don't get scared by any more mice."

"Si~" I said smiling the best I could. I tried to shake what I saw out of my mind. I went back to cooking breakfast and even made lunch for me and a few others for the meeting.

I had tried to put the incident behind me. We went to the meeting and everything seemed fine maybe I was still tired and that's what happened to me. I walked into the meeting room and ran right to Germany, my best friend. "Ve! Germany~!" I cheered running to him.

He looked up at me from his notes. "Good day Italy. How are you?"

I smiled. "Fine." Lie. I held out the lunch to him. "I made you a lunch today."

"Thank you." He said taking it. Sitting to his left was his older brother, Prussia.

"What no lunch for the awesome me? I'm hurt Ita." He said to me.

"No worries made you one too." I said handing him the other box.

He cheered. "Awesome Italy! Just not as awesome as me."

I nodded and sat in the empty seat by Germany. The other countries began to pour in the room. Talking began to fill the empty void within the room. I smiled it was nice to see everyone until fights break out of course. I yawned about the time Romano sat down beside me.

"Yawning already you can at least wait until the meeting starts." Said Germany.

"Meetings are boring as hell, West. And unawesome." Prussia stated as he leaned back in his chair. "This meeting wouldn't be as awesome without the awesome me here."

"Oh my God if I have to hear him say awesome one more time." Said Romano. I elbowed him slightly trying to get him to hush. "Don't you elbow me!" he yelled grabbing at my arm.

I yelled out slightly. "Ow Romano stop your hurting me!"

"Well don't elbow me!"

Germany stood up. "Leave Italy alone!"

Romano glared at him and let me go. "Potato bastard." He grumbled.

The biggest upside to having a strong country as a friend if your brother bullies you he saves you. Yay! I smiled at Romano who glared back at me or maybe through me to Germany. Whichever it was it stopped when Spain ran up to him.

"Tomato! How are you?"

Romano glared at him before speaking. "Don't call me tomato you taco eating bastard!" He paused briefly. "I'm fine."

Spain laughed and sat beside him. He flashed me a smile and asked. "So how are you?"

I smiled back and before I could answer my brother jumped in and said. "He saw a mouse today and screamed like a girl! It was funny as hell."

I frowned great now everyone knew. Well not everyone just the three other nations. I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. I whimpered under my breath when I heard Spain and Prussia laughing mostly Prussia. "Ve why did you tell them?"

"Because it was funny, you should have seen his face." My brother continued making faces and laughing. And the laughing got louder until.

"Shut up! Everyone be quiet it's time for the meeting to start!" yelled Germany

Saved by the German again next time I cook for him and his brother I'll give him more defiantly. Maybe I won't give Prussia or Romano anything at all. I sighed as I opened up the material that was given to us for the meeting and the meeting began. Like every other meeting it was boring. I picked up my pen and began to doodle in the margin of the paper as Germany talked.

Much like clockwork the fighting began again. America boldly proclaimed himself the hero of the day, England started fussing at him and was distracted by fighting with France, Canada begged the three to stop fighting and they ignored him, Russia started staring at Lithuania who began to freak out, Poland started trying to save his friend from Russia, the Baltic states watched with unfold, China was begging Japan to let him make his merchandise, Greece and Turkey started fighting over whichever one Japan liked better, Spain tried to talk to Romano, and lastly Belarus was trying to get Russia to marry her. Just like any other meeting.

Prussia began to laugh. "Hey West they are ignoring you again."

Germany slammed his hands on the table and shouted. "I said shut up! Unless you have something to add to this meeting remain so. If you wish to speak raise your hand and you'll be given five minutes to state your case."

I raised my hand and smiled. "Ve~ Germany I have something to say!"

"If you yell pasta I'll shoot you." He grumbled.

I put my hand down and laughed. I knew he was joking Germany would never hurt me we're best friends. I sighed and finished my doodle which somehow turned into a very intricate picture of a cat. Well at least I didn't draw pasta. I leaned back in my chair when the fighting started again. In my mind I laughed geez and people thought I was weird. Suddenly the room darkened. I thought maybe it became dark outside. I turn around and look out the window to see it was sunny no cloud in the sky.

"Pay attention Italy!" Germany yelled.

I turn back when I feel someone or something touch me. I could feel something like arms wrap around my slender shoulders. What the heck? Was France creeping on me again? I see the hands on my chest the selves look like my suit jacket then the 'person' spoke.

_"You know Italy. They hate you."_

I jumped slightly this voice sounded like my own. "What." I whisper.

 _"They hate you."_ The person leaned into my face resting their check against mine. _"They all do. Your useless. Your brother hates you, Germany defiantly hates you."_

I feel his cheek brush against mine as he talked. Surely this wasn't happening. I dart my eyes around the room. No one was staring at me. I look to Romano he was asleep I glance back to Germany who yelled.

"Romano wake up!"

Romano jumped up and rubbed his eyes. He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow. "Brother are you okay?"

Oh crap he didn't see this thing leaning over me.

_"He can't see me. None of them can. Only you Italy."_

I felt the room get darker and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I jumped up from my chair. I defiantly couldn't breathe. Oh God no. Was I dyeing? I tried to take in deep breathes I grabbed the table and tried to steady myself.

I felt Romano place a hand on my back. "Brother what's wrong?"

Germany dropped his notes and ran to me. "Italy, what's wrong?" I could hear the panic in his voice.

I heard Prussia yell. "West, should I call a doctor?"

I could hear the other nations voicing concerns and some were getting closer, to close. I panicked. I shoved Romano away and ran as fast as I could out of the meeting room.

I heard Germany and my brother yell my name. I had to get away somehow. I ran into a closet. "Clam down." I told myself. My heart was pounding and I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. "Calm down." Suddenly the closet was filled with light. I flinched and my brother ran in.

"What the hell, Veneziano."

"S-sorry." I whimper. Great now I'm falling apart. I started shaking and I couldn't stop it. I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"Don't cry." Romano whispered putting his arms around me. I still felt like I couldn't breathe and now I was crying.

"What in the world is wrong with him?" I heard Germany ask. I raised my head off of Romano's shoulder and looked at him. Fear and worry were clearly expressed on his face. Though me and Germany are very close friends he typically isn't one who shows many emotions. I whimpered before I tried to tell him that I was fine I saw Finland push his way to the closet holding a bag.

"Here give him this to breathe in." He said handing it to Romano. My brother bless him just stared at Finland like he was an idiot. "He's having a panic attack. Breathing his own air will calm him down."

Germany took the bag and handed it to me as Romano slowly backed away. I took the brown bag in my hand and did what Finland instructed. I felt my breathing become normal as before.

"When I was younger I used to have panic attacks so I know one when I see it." Finland said smiling.

"Thank you Finie." I said as I handed him the bag back.

"Keep it." He said as he left the closet.

Germany looked at me. He still looked worried and let out a held breath before he said. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Ve~ I'm fine Germany."

Romano hit me on top of the head. "You idiot!" he screamed as I yelled ow. "You scared me to death I thought you were dyeing or something."

I rubbed the top of my head. "I couldn't help it." I heard Prussia, Spain and France trying to get the rest of the nations to leave and leave me alone. I felt my face burn in embarrassment. What a hell of a day. Germany looked back at the gathering crowd and step forward.

"Quiet! The world meeting is cancelled until next week. I or my brother will e-mail you and let you know when the next meeting is. So go! Get out now!"

I heard the other nations grumbling and complaining as they left the hallway. I then heard Germany thank and politely ask Spain and France to leave as well despite their protests.

Prussia walked over to us and placed his hand on my back. "You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine now, Prussia."

He looked to Germany and asked him something in German. I'm not sure what because I don't speak German. Whatever it was Germany just shrugged.

Romano glared at the two of them and wrapped his arms around me protectively. My brother amazes me one minute his hitting me and calling me stupid and then the next his acting like a loving brother. "Now you two potato loving bastards go."

"Us go?" Asked Prussia

Germany frowned. "Nein, this is our meeting remember."

Romano glared at him. "Whatever! It's probably your fault anyways!"

Germany flinched. "My fault? How is this my fault?"

I jumped in before this got worse. "Stop it please. I'm fine you two don't need to fight. Come on let's all be friends maybe get drunk later and all that stuff."

"I could use a beer." Said Prussia.

"It's noon." Said Germany as he glared at his brother and then began speaking again. "Romano you do not to get so angry with us. We're only concerned for Italy's health."

My brother growled at him and grabbed me by the arm. "Be concerned some other time, potato bastard! We're leaving!" He marched away from the two dragging me along.

"Bye Germany! Bye Prussia! I'll see you two tomorrow!" I shouted as waved to the two of them. They both gave me puzzled looks but that was normal.

Outside of the conference center that the meeting was held out Romano finally stopped dragging me along like a pull toy. When he did stop I could tell I was about to hear a lecture or something almost as bad. My brother has amazingly mature moments when it came to stuff about our country and me. I sighed bracing for whatever Romano had to say sometimes his yelling would turn into a swearing fest and I don't think I was emotionally prepared for it. And it was never a good sign when he still had ahold of my arm.

"Veneziano?"

I jumped slightly and I felt his hand tighten around my arm. "Si?"

His hand tighten some more I was going to protest and tell him he was hurting me when he said. "What is going on with you?"

"Huh, what do you mean?"

He suddenly turned around. "You know damn well what I mean!" He yelled then frowned. "Sorry I didn't mean to yell."

"There is nothing wrong…" I started but he cut me off with a yell of.

"Bull shit!" He jerked his hand off my arm nearly causing me to fall backwards. "You've been acting weird all damn day!"

I steadied myself. "There is nothing wrong with me, Romano."

He scoffed. "I see how it is," He said as he turned away from me. "I guess if I was your precious Germany you'd tell me." And with that final blow to my day, now Romano was mad at me.

I sighed. Eventually he would get over it hopefully but… admittedly his words did hurt. I don't understand that I he is my brother and I do care about him and his feelings. Despite what he thinks though I don't think I could tell Germany what is going on with me. Either which way I headed on home hoping maybe Romano would call Spain and vent about me before I got home and forget he was mad at me.


	3. When demons eat the soul

I woke up the next day nearly forgetting what had happened the day before. I slept on the couch because Romano refused to let me in bed. Yeah he was still mad at me. I got up and got myself ready for the day. While I was eating breakfast Romano came into the kitchen.

"Morning, Romano." I said as cheerfully as possible hoping he forgave me.

He nodded. He sat down at the table. "I'm sorry I got mad at you."

"It's okay, Romano."

He looked at me. "Please Veneziano tell me when something is bothering you. I'm your brother remember."

I nodded. "I know."

He sighed. "I'm going to be out all day today with Spain and his friends so," He started as he stood up from the table. "If something happens again today, please tell me."

"Okay, Romano I will."

I cleared my plate and began to head for the door. I decided to see if Germany wanted to play some football. I went to the door when there was a knock. I opened the door to see Spain.

"Ciao, Spain. How are you?"

"I'm fine." He said patting me on the head as he walked by. "How about you? Are you feeling better?"

"Of course." I said smiling.

"Good." He smiled back at me and looked around before he spoke again. "Romano was really worried about you." He whispered.

I couldn't help but smile. I knew Spain would save me from my brother's wrath. "So what are you guys doing today?"

He shrugged. "I think France and Prussia want to go to a football game or something. Maybe see a movie."

I nodded. "Hopefully you guys have fun." I said as I left my house.

In little time I was at Germany's house. I walked up to the door and let myself in. I spent so much of my free time here I felt like I live here.

"Ve Germany!" I called.

My German friend was in the kitchen. He looked back at me and frowned. "Italy I told you to knock."

I smiled. "Oh come one Germany what's the big deal. We're friends right?"

He sighed. "Ja, Italy." He said as he finished drying a tea cup.

"So I was thinking that we could play some football today."

He looked at me. "If you want to, it won't be much fun with two of us though."

Typically when we play football Prussia plays with us and usually invites Spain or I and Germany invite Japan. Sometimes if I'm lucky Romano will agree to play. We vowed to see how many countries we could get to play but we still haven't gotten to that.

"I could be a practice run." I said.

"Ja, that sounds fine. Just let me finish up the dishes and I'll be ready."

"Okeydokey. I'll get changed."

I ran upstairs to Germany's guest room. As I said I stay here a lot so I keep extra clothes here in case I decide to stay the night or something. I keep my workout clothes here too because Germany can turn anything into a training exercise.

After I changed we met up in the back yard. I had the ball and was bouncing it back and forth with my knees. I couldn't run for beans unless I was being chased but I'm an okay football player.

Germany was done with his stretching. I knew without a doubt he would probably beat me but that was okay I just wanted to have fun. "Ready." He announced.

I let the ball fall to the ground and kicked it as hard as I could. Naturally he blocked and returned the favor this one I missed and it rolled into the bushes outlining the yard. I chased it down the ball was wedged in the hedge really good. I fought and fought with it. Freeing the ball I announced. "I got it." That's when that dark feeling hit me again.

_"He hates you. He can't stand you."_

I dropped the ball. No not again.

"Italy are you okay?" I heard Germany call.

I turned around. "Si!" I called and served the ball. This one he missed.

I cheered. "I got one!"

The feeling came back. _"You such an idiot. Don't you see it?"_

I froze hearing the voice I didn't see the ball coming back. Bam! I hit me in the face and knocked me over onto the back. I felt the darkness surround me and the last thing I heard was Germany calling my name.

I have no idea what happened but when I woke up the first thing I saw was Germany's light blue eyes staring at me.

"Italy! Thank God! I thought I seriously hurt you."

"No, I'm fine." I said as I sat up with some help from my friend I got off the ground.

"What happened why didn't you stop it?"

Crap, what was I going to tell him now? "I was daydreaming."

He frowned well he didn't believe that one at all. He followed up with. "Well whatever it doesn't seem that it hit you that hard." He looked up at the gathering dark clouds over head. "We should go in. It looks like it's going to rain."

"Okay." I said following him back to the house. I tried to push back the episode as far back into my head that I could send it too.

We spent the rest of the day talking, well I did most of the talking, playing some board games and watched some movies as the rain fell from the sky. Before I realized it time slipped away from us. I stood up from the chair I was in and announced. "Ve Germany I think I'll head home now."

Germany looked outside then back at me. "Why don't you just stay here for tonight? It doesn't look like this rain is going to let up anytime soon anyways."

As soon as he said that the rain got worse and I was pretty sure I heard thunder. I jumped slightly. I hate thunder it's loud and scary. "F-fine." I pulled out my phone. "I'll call Romano and let him know." I dialed my brother's number and not surprisingly he didn't pick up more than likely his brother and the others were at a bar trying to see who could get the most numbers. I left him a message and put my phone away. I yawned I was more exhausted than I thought. "I think it's past my bed time."

"Good night, Italy."

I began to walk to the stairs when he stopped me.

"One more thing Italy."

"Si?"

He sighed. "I know I have gone over this again and again but…" He pushed his hair back and looked into my eyes with his intense ones. "Do not get in my bed in the middle of the night."

Another lighting flash light up the room making the situation more intense, I shuddered than I finally said. "I understand, Germany. No sleeping in your bed."

"Under no circumstances?"

"None what so ever, I vow to not sneak in your room tonight."

"Italy."

"Or any night as long as I'm in your house."

"Good. Now go get some sleep."

I went on to bed. The room was still nice and neat as if I was never there. I swear sometimes I think Germany has OCD. Prussia had told me that Germany cleaned the house from top to bottom everyday but goodness. I opened up the draws to see that my clothes were organized and folded. I laughed a little as I changed out of my clothes and folded them away neatly after all I swear I think Germany can detect disorganization.

I rolled down the sheets and got into bed. I pulled the pillow close to my face and sigh deeply and snuggled in for a nice sleep.

My nice sleep didn't last for long. My dreams were plague with sights of death, pain, and misery. I tossed and turned and nearly fell out of the bed. A loud clap of thunder hit outside I screamed and fell out of the bed. I was trembling I held myself breathing harshly. I needed… what did I need. I needed Germany. I had to get to his room… but he told me not to. I sighed and put my pillow back on my bed. I walked outside of my room it was dark lighting lit the hallway and I jumped. I then heard a thump noise down stairs. I jumped what was that? I edged over to the banister and looked over and heard another thump. Someone was in the house. I gasped. Germany was being robbed. I turned to get Germany but I stopped maybe I was wrong. He would be mad if I woke him up for no reason.

I edged down the stairs and heard another noise from the kitchen. I held my breath as I stepped through the thresh hold of the door. The kitchen light was on but the room still seemed dark. That's when I saw it. A demon in the kitchen. I screamed.

The demon turned back. It had bright red eyes and spoke to me. I screamed again and back away into the cabinet. The demon spoke again and edged to me. I yelled and grabbed a knife from the knife block behind me. I don't like hurting anything but I felt threatened. The demon reach to me I slashed out and screamed to the top of my lungs.

"Germany! Help! Help me!"

I heard the German run down the hall and the stairs. I saw him his hair was a mess and he had his gun ready for shooting. He pointed to the demon then lowered his gun. "Stop!" He screamed and ran over to me.

What? Why wasn't he helping?

"Stop don't hurt my bruder!"

I blinked. Oh my God. I realized the demon was no demon it was Prussia. I dropped the knife and fell to my knees just staring at him.

I could see the pain in his red eyes. Germany grabbed his arm and asked him something in German. He examined his arm and that's when I saw the blood. I attacked Prussia. I cut him. I hurt him.

I start crying loudly almost wailing. I cried harder and harder felling my throat burn. Germany yelled at me to stop as he treated his brother's arm, but I couldn't stop crying. I was a horrible person I attacked Prussia. What the hell was wrong with me? My crying became louder even though I tried to stop it.

I closed my eyes and heard Prussia say. "West, you should look after him. He seems really upset."

"Ja, but you're bleeding." I heard Germany respond in a pained voice I hadn't heard him use before.

"West, I can take care of myself, it's not that bad." Prussia insisted.

I heard Germany walk over to me and place his hands on my shoulders. I was still crying. "Shhh, Italy its fine." He said lowering down to the ground. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed on to him in a tight hug and screamed. "I'm sorry Germany!"

He hugged me back and patted me on the back. With his soothing words and tight embrace I slowly began to fall asleep. The next thing I knew I felt weightlessness I was picked up off the ground.

I woke up the next day in my bed like I hadn't even got up last night. I sat up and yawned then the memories of what happened hit me like a flood. I bolted out of bed and ran down stairs and to the basement. I gave no real thought to my actions as I jumped into Prussia's bed screaming.

"Ve~ Prussia I'm so sorry!" I landed squarely on his chest. The ex-nation let out a startled noise and yelped.

"Get off of my awesome self, Italy."

I paused and yelled as loud as I could. "I'm so sorry, Prussia! I'm a terrible friend! I didn't mean to do it please forgive me!"

He sat up almost knocking me off the bed and onto the floor. "I'm fine Italy." He said as he grabbed my arm to keep from tossing me in the floor. "Now will you please get off of my awesome self."

I nodded and jumped off the bed and turned back to him and gave him my signature goofy grin. "So Prussia isn't mad at me?"

"Nein." He added shaking his head as he got up from his bed. "But I'd rather you not jump on top of me like that."

I tilted my head. "I meant are you mad about…" I paused and just pointed at his arm.

He looked at his arm and sighed. "No, you didn't hurt me."

"But you were bleeding." I whispered. I looked down at the floor feeling guilty again. I couldn't explain myself there was no way I could tell him what was going on. He and Germany would lock me up.

Prussia sighed and stared at me as if he was trying to figure out what to say to me. Finally after a moment he said. "Ita, I am fine. You couldn't hurt the awesome me no matter how hard you tried."

I smiled weakly. He was obviously trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working very well. "Okay Prussia, if you say so."

He pointed to the door. "Now go on get. The awesome me has to take a shower."

I nodded and headed to the door.

"Italy," He called I turned around. He ran his fingers through his silver hair and said. "Next time you decided to invade my room could you… get dressed first."

I looked down at myself. I was still in my boxers and pink tank top. "I forgot to get dressed." I said out loud.

Prussia laughed. "Geez I am amazed by West's patience for you."

I smiled and left the room. I headed back to my room took a shower and got dressed. I headed back to the kitchen. Germany and Prussia was sitting at the table drinking coffee.

I sat down as Germany spoke to me. "Good morning Italy."

"Good morning Germany." I said smiling my smile soon faded as he said.

"What the hell happened last night?" He asked sternly.

I try to tell myself that Germany sounds angry even when he isn't but still. I sank back into my chair. "I,"

Prussia must have kicked Germany for being so gruff because he flinched and glared at his brother. Germany cleared his throat and started talking to me again. "Would you like to talk about what happened last night?"

Not really. "I thought Prussia was a robber." Well that was half right.

"Really? Because bruder told me he spoke to you before you attacked him."

Did he? I thought back my memories were foggy but yeah I almost did remember him asking me, did I wake you Italy? Right before I attacked him.

"I uhh…"

"You can tell the awesome us, Ita." Said Prussia.

No I couldn't. "I told you what it was."

"Italia! Stop lying to us." Germany slammed his hands on the table and stood up. "I know that you are!"

I flinched. I hated when he yelled at me. It hurt me to my soul. I wanted to cry. I jumped up from my chair speaking before thinking. "Why are you yelling at me! I thought we're friends!"

The two stared at me. I yelled at them. I never yelled at them before. I covered my mouth. I never yell. Italy does not get anger that's Romano's job. I backed away from the table.

Germany reflexively reached to me saying. "Italy, what is wrong? You can talk to us."

I didn't want to talk. Anger was boiling inside of me. Hate. Where did this come from? Hate and jealously spilled into my mind. I hated them suddenly jealous of their strength. I wanted to be strong like them not a weak little boy who constantly needed protection from the world. I wanted to scream cry yell. I've cried to much this week. I turned and ran out of the house hearing the two calling to me. I couldn't bare it any more. I had to go home trough myself in my bed and cry my soul out.

Before I knew it I was home. I had stopped crying but my head was still swimming with several emotions. I hadn't felt this way before and wasn't sure why it was going on now. I held my breath until I felt that I was in control. I opened the door smiling my signature smile and announced.

"Romano! I'm home! Did you miss me?"

My brother was sitting on the couch his phone was on the coffee table in front of him and he had a stern expression. Crap. Not good. He looked at me and held the gaze before he spoke. "Veneziano, sit." He commanded pointing at the lounge chair across from him.

I did as he said. "What's up fratello?"

He paused and crossed his arms. "I got a call from the potato bas… Germany."

Crap he called Germany by his name he must have told him what happened.

"Germany called," he started again. "He said you attacked Prussia."

I jumped and yelped. "I thought he was a burglar."

"He told me your story isn't adding up and you got mad at them and stormed out. Fratello, what is wrong?"

"N-nothing."

"Bull shit! You've been acting weird since yesterday, so called spiders, panic attacks, then you attack Prussia and yell at Germany. None of this shit sounds like my fratello!" His face was almost red from anger. Why did everyone who cared about me yell at me?

_"They hate you remember?"_

That damn voice again? I jumped up from the chair flinging it back a good two inches. "Nothing is wrong why can't you idiots see that!"

Romano jumped. "You called me an idiot." He stated confusion was across his face.

I did. I don't know where it came from but it happened. I looked at him almost feeling empowered. "Romano you're a jerk! You say you love me but you yell call me names all the time." I started walking to the door. "I'm leaving! You're a rotten brother!" I screamed till my throat was sore and ran out the door.

I had to get away from all of them. Those jerks, those losers, those assholes. I walked to the nearby field to the lake. I sat down by the lake removing my shoes and stuck my feet in the water. I needed relief. I sighed basking in the sunlight. My phone rang. Dammit. I pulled it out. The ID was Romano. Jerk! I ignored it. I sighed again. I lay down and my phone rang again. Freak! I looked again this time it was Spain. Roma must have called him.

_"Don't be stupid. They don't care about you."_

Voice again. I sat up. "Who are you?"

 _"So you haven't realized it yet."_ I felt someone set beside me. I looked at him I gasped. _"I'm you Italy. I am you. I am all the hate, anger and negativity you have built up in your heart."_

He looked just like me. His hair was darker and his uniform was reversed of mine black jacket blue shirt. Holy crap! I went to speak again when he said.

 _"I am you. There is no changing it. I'm how you are on the inside."_ He stood up. _"We are exactly the same."_

I almost screamed.

 _"Don't fear me. We are the same."_ He walked behind me and put his arms around my upper body. _"I'm going to protect you from those you fear. All the hate and anger you feel I'll take into myself. I'll show the world the true Veneziano"_

"But I'm not angry."

He sighed. _"Lies. I know who your angry at."_

"Who then?"

 _"Romano, Germany when he yells at you."_ The evil me sighed.

"I don't… hate them."

_"But you hate it when they yell at you, si?"_

I nodded. "Si, I do hate it when they yell at me."

The evil me smirked. _"See you do have hate in your heart. Let it out. Let me show the world the true you."_

I went to speak again but suddenly the evil me was gone. I looked around. I think I'm having hallucinations. I see my phone there was five missed calls and voice messages. I open them up to see who it was. First was France guess Spain must have contacted him when I didn't answer.

I played the voice mail. "Italy, it's you big brother France. Spain called me looking for you just thought I'd check and see if you were okay."

I sighed and started the next one which was from Germany. "Italy, what the hell is wrong with you. Your brudder called me looking for you. Please call us back I'm… *click*"

Typically Germany. The next one was Japan. "Italy, I heard from Germany that no one has seen you in hours. I was worried, please call me back."

Dang I made Japan worry about me. The next one was Prussia. "Ita! Germany has been walking the floor for hours! Call me back, unless your kidnapped or something. Remember I'm awesome!"

I sighed. Prussia was so random sometimes. Next was Romano I held my breath. "Veneziano," He sobbed. "Please come home I'm sorry if I upset you."

Holy crap I made Romano cry. Romano wasn't one to cry unlike me. I put my phone up and put my shoes back on and headed home.

I eventually made it home. I opened the door and there was Romano pacing the floor on his cell phone.

"I haven't heard from him since he left! Do you think he's been kidnapped? What do you mean no one would want him?" He growled. "You stupid Austrian! Are you sure he isn't there hiding from me! Why? I've called everyone else so you and Hungary are the last people I could think of that he might run too."

"Hi Romano." I finally said.

"Veneziano!" He screamed hanging up the phone and ran to me.

We hugged briefly until.

"You big jerk! Why did you run off like that?" Romano asked.

I looked at him. "Why are you mad at me?"

"You didn't return my calls. I thought you were dead. I even called that potato bastard looking for you! How dare you treat us like this!"

Us? I was beginning to apologize but Romano continued.

"Me and Germany were worried sick! You idiot why would you do this? Can't you freaking bother to pick up your damn phone and call or text me you sorry ass!"

I hated when he yelled at me. Instead of crying like normal I yelled back. "Don't call me an idiot!" I felt the evil me take hold again. "You can't sit here and yell at me because I didn't freaking call you! And how dare you call me names after all of this! Why do you act this way! I can't stand you!" I stormed up to him anger radiating off of me.

Romano stuck his finger in my chest. "Now you listen here butt crotch. I'm tired of babysitting your sorry ass. Can't you do anything right!"

That set me off. I slapped his hand. He looked at it surprised and I punched him in the face. He fell backwards and yelped. "Touch me again." I added harshly leaning forward. "I'll do worse than that."

He backed away then stood up holding his face. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Stop all of your damn yelling! You're a terrible brother!" I paused holding my breath before I finished. "I wish you would die! Get out of my house!" I yelled pointing to the door.

Shock was one way to describe how Romano looked. He still held his face. "Fine! I'll go!" he yelled storming out of the house.

I had an urge to remove all of his stuff and burn it but I stopped those thoughts. I fell to my knees. I didn't know I felt that way. I wanted to cry again. I pounded my fists on the floor then stood back up and wondered into my art room.


	4. Tormented Release

I had never felt this way before in my life. I stumbled into my art room. I picked up my brushes and started painting giving no thought to my process. I had to let these feelings out. Some drank, some gambled, some had wild sex, but I Italy Veneziano painted and sung to release my feelings. I heard a splat noise as the paint hit the canvas. I started to sing shakily at first nothing seemed to make sense. I dropped the paint brush and held my head and sung even louder to the top of my lungs as I fell to my knees. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. I needed help. I needed something. I screamed and fell over on my back. My head hurt I could feel the evil me's grip on my mind.

"No, I don't want to do this."

The evil me laughed. _"Don't worry it won't hurt."_

I cried and screamed. I felt like my soul was torn in two. I remember closing my eyes as the world crumbled around me. What was I to do? Romano was gone, Germany couldn't save me. I was useless. I started to sing again that song I sung in Austria's house. No one was here to save me. I couldn't save myself. I felt like I was losing me. I tumbled into darkness the last words out of my mouth were. "I am Hetalia." That little line from that song I had heard from. Who was that called me that. Oh no. The darkness took me. It was too late I was gone.

I awoke to a knock at my front door. I groggily stand up and stumble to it. I open it and see France. "France?"

"Hello Italy. I thought I'd stop by to see how you were doing." He said as I let him in.

I sat down on the couch and bury my head in my hands. "Fine."

"Where is Romano?"

"Gone."

He raised an eyebrow at me and wondered through the living room like he was looking for something. He spotted my hands. "Italy were you painting?"

"Si." I sighed.

"Can I see it?"

I nodded. He wondered into the art room. I followed timidly.

"Oh my God!" he yelled.

Paint was all over the floor and splattered across the canvas was the same phrase over and over again: Help me, someone please help me. It was written in English and Italian. France backed away from the painting.

"Do you like it?" I asked off handedly. "I worked so hard on it."

France looked down at me. "Italy, I think you need some help." His voice was filled with concern as he reached to me.

I slapped his hand. "Romano was worried too I made him leave. Germany was worried too and he yelled at me. France, why does everyone hate me?"

France laid a hand on me. "Don't worry I'll get you help, Italy."

My face reddened. "I don't want help!"

He jumped his cell was in his hand. "I'm going to call, Germany or Romano someone can help you."

I screamed and swung my fist at him. "I don't need help!"

He backed away. "I'll go then."

(POV change)

France nearly ran out of Italy's villa. He had never seen the boy act like that. He dialed Spain as he walked to his car. "Hey it's me. It's worse than you thought."

Spain sighed in the phone he could hear Romano crying in the background. "How bad is it?"

France chocked back a sob. "Real bad. He was lethargic and crying. He wrote help me all over a canvas." He paused before he finished feeling the weight of the following words. "Spain he attacked me."

There was a pause before Spain asked. "Did he hurt you?"

"No." He said pushing his hair behind his ear. "What… what should we do? I don't want to leave him alone but…"

The man on the other line paused then finally said. "Keep an eye on him. I'm going to call Germany. I'll call you later."

"Okay."

At Spain's house, the Spanish nation hung up his phone. He turned around to find Romano who had left the room as soon as France called. He's poor Roma he knew he was having problems dealing with what was going on with Italy.

"Romano!" he called out. Nothing. "Roma!" he shouted as he moved to the living room.

"Stop shouting, bastard, I'm right here." He heard Romano say. He looked to find the other nation laying on the couch curled into a ball.

He walked in front of him and kneeled down. "That was France."

"Si, I know…" He said not looking at him.

He paused. He wasn't good at telling bad news. He didn't know how to tell him what was going on. "Roma, he…"

Romano finally looked at him. He slowly sat up and rested his head in his hands. "My fratello is still acting weird?"

"Si," he said nodding then he added. "He attacked France."

"What?" He yelled.

He nodded. "Si, I heard from Prussia earlier today. Apparently Italy attacked him last night."

"Si, Germany called and told me about it."

Spain sat beside his friend studying him. He looked like he might breakdown at any minute. Romano was the closest thing to a brother he had he couldn't imagine what he was going through right now. He slowly reached up to him and the younger nation started sobbing loudly. He put his hands on his shoulders. "It's okay, Romano." He pulled him into a hug. "You can cry all you want."

He sobbed louder. "Damn it, Spain. Now you see what you've made me do?" He pushed away from the older nation and rubbed the tears away.

He smiled as he spoke again. "Roma, I'm going to call Germany and."

"No! You will not call that potato bastard! This whole thing is probably his fault anyways!"

"Calm down Roma." He said waving his hands. "Think of it this way what if it was you who was going through this and Germany didn't tell me. How would you feel?"

He grimaced. "Germany pushes Veneziano to hard!" He screamed.

Spain almost jumped at Romano's outburst. He knew the two nations had a shaky relationship but this was unexpected.

Romano looked down at the floor. "He expects too much of him…" He looked up at him. He looked like he might start crying again. "You can call him."

"Are you sure, Roma?"

He shook his head. "He makes my fratello happy. If anyone can save him it's the potato bastard."

Spain smiled and picked up his phone when he saw a text from France saying: Germany and Prussia came over. Sorry I let it slip to Prussia what happened.

He sighed. "Well Roma we don't have to worry about calling Germany now," he said as he put the phone away. "He's already there."

Romano's eyes widened then he relaxed. "Maybe that bastard can help him." He mumbled.

Back at Italy's house, Germany ignored France as he shouted at him and his bruder that Italy wasn't being himself. If he's friend was in danger he had to save him somehow. He went to knock at the door but hesitated.

Prussia leaned over and pounded on the door loudly and no one answered.

"Italy!" he called. "I know you're in there."

Germany sighed and knocked. "Come on Italy, it's me."

But still no answer. Desperate the two knocked down the door to get inside. "Italy!" Germany called.

"Ve, I'm in here Germany." The Italian nation finally answered. Germany followed his voice with his brother following him until they found Italy in his art room.

He was sitting on the floor on his knees. He looked up at them and a strange smile came across his face. "Germany." He said standing up. He was holding his arm and he pointed to the painting behind him. "You like my new painting Germany?" He asked.

The painting was covered in red scribbles repeatedly asking for help. "Italy…" Germany started to say then noticed his arm. There was long scratch marks going down his arm. Each was bleeding some worse than others. He gasped and grabbed his hurt arm.

"What happened?" He asked. His voice was trembling announcing his concern for his friend.

He looked at his arm. "Blood is so pretty isn't it? It's a nice shade of red. It's hard to get with normal red paints…" he rambled.

"Mein Gott." He looked at Prussia and said. "Go get a first aid kit."

"Ja." He said nodding and left the room. He heard his brother grumble something about not knowing where one was.

Germany strengthen the pressure on Italy's arm and made sure that the bleeding slowed down. "What were you thinking?"

"Ve~ I told you I needed the prefect shade of red."

Prussia came back with the first aide kite and was getting bandages out. Germany held out his friend's hurt arm so his brother could bandage it up.

Italy seemed to stare off into space. His eyes were vacant and void of the joy and happiness that Germany was used to seeing. Germany wanted to cry when he looked at that blank and emotionless face that Italy wore now. Italy looked up at him wincing when Prussia applied alcohol to his wounds.

"Don't look so sad, Germany." He reached up to his face. He laid his hand on his cheek and said. "Trust me Germany; you'll like me better this way." He removed his hand from his face. Germany could feel the warm stickiness of the blood on his cheek.

Germany gasped without realizing it. He reached up to his face and froze over the blood now on his face.

Prussia quickly wiped Italy's hand and got another wet cloth for his brother's face. Italy spoke again looking up at his German friend and said. "Red is such a pretty color."

Germany got up and said to his brother. "I'm going to go and clean off the…"

He nodded and said. "Ja, bruder I understand." He looked at the work he had finished with Italy's arm. "There you'll all patched up, Ita."

The Italian stared at his arm then at Prussia. "Prussia… do you think I'm crazy?" Italy's voice sounded weak but more normal than earlier.

"Nein Italy…"

He sighed. "You're lying… why does everyone do that to me?" He held up his arm. "I can't stop it anymore."

"Stop what? What are talking about?"

He looked away almost ashamed. "There's a dark me…" he started when Germany walked back into the room. Italy then focused his eyes on the floor to ashamed to look at his friend. After all he had kept the whole situation a secret from them. "There is an evil me," he started. He put his hand over his heart. "Inside me. He showed up earlier this week at the World Conference. I've been seeing things all week… I saw a vision of Romano dead; I thought Prussia was a demon… that's why I attacked him. Before you guys came I thought if I…" He hesitated before he finished. He shook his head and started again. "If I hurt myself then I could… release him from me."

Germany gasped tears where beginning to form in his eyes when his brother asked. "Italy, where you trying to… kill yourself?"

He stared at his arm then said. "I guess so…" He looked up at the brothers. He saw the pain in Germany's eyes and couldn't look at him. "I don't want to die but I don't want to hurt anyone again. I'm so scared… please help me." He started sobbing loudly again. He reached out to either one of them someone anyone to hold him and tell him it would be okay.

Germany came to the rescue wrapping his arms around the smaller man as he sobbed loudly. He had to fight back his own tears he had to be strong for his friend.

Prussia looked at the two and said to Germany. "West, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know." He said holding his friend tighter to him. What could they do? Italy was obviously suffering from a mental disorder. He felt the pain for his friend surge through him. He wanted to crumple onto the floor and cry as well. "We'll have too… figure something out." He slowly let him go despite his friend's cries. "I'm going to call Japan… he should be involved in this." He began to walk away when Italy grabbed his leg.

"Don't leave me alone please!"

"Italy." He sighed. Prussia laid his hand on Italy's shoulder. "You're not alone I'm here to. Let the Awesome Prussia look after you."

Italy nodded and looked up at Prussia. "Thank you Prussia."

Germany sighed to himself as he stepped out of the house. He had to pause he felt the overwhelming need to cry. Nein. He had to be strong. He got his cell phone out of his pocket despite France's inquires and dialed a number. He had to be strong for Italy. The phone rang a few times before the person on the other end picked up.

"Hello, Germany. Is something wrong? Did you guys find Italy?" asked Japan. No sooner had the nation spoke Germany began to break down. Damn. He thought to himself as he cried he dropped the phone. France ran up to him asking what was wrong. He couldn't think of anything that could save his friend. What were they going to do?

France took the phone and began to talk to Japan. Explaining to him what was happing as he watched Germany nearly fall apart. He saw someone driving to the house. He realized it was Spain. "Japan if it's possible could you come to Italy's house. He's… going through some issues and I think he needs his friends."

"Hai, I'll be there as soon as I can, France-san."

France hung up Germany's cell phone. Germany pulled himself together the best he could when the car slowed down. Out of the car stepped Spain and Romano. No sooner had Romano gotten out of the car he went into the offensive.

"You asshole!" He screamed as he ran up to Germany. He grabbed the front of his shirt and yelled. "This is all your fault! You're the reason Veneziano is going through all this!"

"Romano!" Spain yelled as he ran up to his young friend. "Please don't do this."

"Shut up!"

(POV Italy's)

My arm was still stinging from the cuts. I looked up at Prussia who was looking at me with a look of pity.

 _"Look at him he pities you. You're so pathetic."_ The evil me said.

I tried to ignore the voice and was going to speak to Prussia when I heard yelling from outside. I recognized that voice anywhere. It was my fratello and it sounded like he was angry very angry. I shuddered without realizing it.

The front door opened and big brother France stepped in. "Prussia, you have to help. Romano and Germany are fighting and Spain can't stop them."

I tried to stop Prussia from leaving me. I didn't want to be alone the evil me would come back. I chose the best option which was to follow the older nation.

We walked outside. Romano had ahold of Germany and was screaming to the top of lungs. "I hate you! It's your fault! If you hadn't pushed him so hard he wouldn't have broken!"

Oh my God they were fighting about me. I couldn't stand to see this. Prussia tried to separate them. I ran up to the scene. I had to stop them myself.

"Romano stop!" I screamed. I grabbed Germany as if I could protect him. I tried to shake the negative thought and tightened my grip on my friend's arm. I started crying. "It's not his fault. It's mine. Please just leave him alone."

I heard Germany whisper my name. Romano frowned tears were gathering in his eyes and he yelled. "Veneziano you're a jerk!" He tried to wipe away the tears and said. "How could you blame yourself?"

I looked down at the ground. "It is my fault." I whimpered. I looked up at them then continued talking. "If I was stronger I could have stopped this. If I didn't rely on everyone else so much you guys wouldn't have to get involved and… I wouldn't have you hurt you…" I buried my face in Germany's arm. I was a weak and pathetic creature. I didn't deserve these friends, this love nothing. I would be better off if I was dead and gone, then I wouldn't hurt anyone any more.

I felt Germany put an arm around me and I cried louder. I heard Romano say.

"No Veneziano please stop crying." He laid his hand on my shoulder. He weakly said to me. "It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself."

Then I heard Prussia speak. "All right everyone. It's time to stop being un-awesome! We need to help little Ita, that would be the awesome thing to do. We're his friends and family. He needs us between all of us we can help him beat this!"

I heard the other two nations cheer in agreement. I heard Germany whisper. "Ja," He looked down at me. "Don't worry Italien we'll help you."

I nodded. I knew somehow it was going to be okay. Somehow this evil me would be beaten.

_"Wrong you'll never get rid of me."_

I felt the darkness taking over again. No! I couldn't let this happen again. I am going to beat the evil me.

_"You can't beat me. Remember I am you."_

I felt myself began to lose consciousness. No! I felt myself falling and everything felt slow motion. The last thing I heard was Germany screaming my name.

"Italy!"


	5. Soothe my soul

The scariest thing in the world is hearing a voice speak to you in your head before you're even awake.

_"Wake up, Italy."_

I slowly opened my eyes. I was in my room I could tell that much. Some faint light was shining into the room. It appeared that the sun was preparing for a siesta. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. My head was pounding. I couldn't remember what happened before I apparently fell asleep. The last thing I remember was Germany calling my name… what happened after that.

I got out of the bed and headed to the door and it was locked. No. I banged on the door and screamed. "Let me out!"

_"They'll never let you out after what I did."_

I froze my hand still on the door. I whispered. "What did you do?"

The evil me laughed. _"Oh nothing. I just showed them your true potential."_

Though the fog of my mind I could almost remember what happened. I could hear Germany calling my name I remember opening my eyes and then I…

I covered my head and screamed out. No! There is no way I could have done that not me no!

_"Oh but you did. Hold still I'll let you remember all of it."_

"I don't want to!" I screamed.

Suddenly the door opened. I nearly fell out of the room. I had no idea who opened the door but I hugged them. A living person who wasn't torturing me, I was happy to see them.

"Italy." I realized it was Germany. He lightly put his arms around me. "Are you okay?"

"Si," I let go of him and looked up at him. "What happened?"

He looked away. He seemed disheveled. He had a scarf around his neck. I had never seen him wear one before… It vaguely looked like the one that Prussia was wearing.

"Nothing happened. You just passed out and I took you back to your room."

I frowned, he was a terrible liar. "Liar." I mumbled.

He sighed. "Nein, I'm not lying."

_"Your friend is lying. Think about it. You know what you did."_

I focused my gaze on him trying to show him that I was serious. Weaker sounding than I wanted I said. "I hurt you didn't I?"

He made a noise in the back of his throat and looked away. "Nein, you didn't Italy."

"Liar!" I yelled. Anger built up again. Why couldn't I control my feelings? I screamed at him. "I know I did it! I remember it stop lying to me!" I tried to brace myself. I held onto the dresser and lowered my voice. "I tried to strangle you when I woke up… that's why I was locked up like an animal." I glared at him. "You can treat me with kid gloves all you want but I know what really happened."

He frowned. "You're right…" He adjusted the scarf like he considered taking it off. "When you woke up, you were in my arms. You lunged at me and s… tried to strangle me." He whispered. "Our brother's got you to stop you attack but…"

I felt sick. The memories came flooding back. I attacked Germany as soon as I woke up. Romano and Prussia tried to stop me and I hit them… I couldn't remember if I hurt them… My life was falling apart I whispered. "I don't deserve friends." I hung my head. I didn't want to see his face anymore.

He lightly laid a hand on my shoulder. "Italy it's not your fault."

I felt hot tears running down my face. "It is my fault… it's all my fault…" He pulled me into a tight hug. I started to sob again. I've been crying a lot lately. I was grateful to have a wonderful friend like Germany. "I'm so sorry." I whimpered.

He was silent before he tightened his hug and said. "It's fine Italy… I know that it wasn't you who did this." He gestured to his neck.

I pulled away from him. I was preparing to say something when I suddenly got a horrible headache again. My mouth moved on it's on. "My God. You're almost as weak as he is." The evil me spoke. I tried to cover my mouth but I couldn't move my hands. The evil me was controlling my body but unlike earlier I was aware of what was going on.

"Italy?" Germany asked. He slowly reached to me, I grabbed his hand and using his weight against him shoved him into the wall. He let out a startled yelp as his back crashed into the wall. He slide down the wall and mumbled. "What the hell."

I stood over him I titled my head and said in a mocking tone. "Oh looks like little Germany fell down."

He glared at me. I knew he wouldn't try to attack me or at least I didn't think he would. I loomed even more over him. The evil me was still in control reached out and laid my hand on his face.

"Poor Germany." The evil me grabbed the scarf and yanked it off. "Remember what I did to you earlier?" Purple bruises lined Germany's neck from where the evil me tried to strangle him.

I tossed the scarf aside. Germany grabbed my arm and yelled. "Stop it! This isn't you get ahold of yourself!"

I looked at his arm. I laughed I saw the fear grow in his eyes as I laughed louder. "Idiot, this is me."

He shook his head and screamed. "Nein! I know it's not you Italy!" He crinkled his brow and almost whispered. "The Italy I know would never hurt anyone." He slowly stood up. He grabbed me by my shoulders.

"Let go!"

He shook his head. "Nein! I know the real Italy is in there! The Italy who loves pasta, loves to paint, and loves…"

I shoved him away from me and yelled. "You'll learn you'll all learn!" The headache returned. I grabbed the dresser and whimpered as I fell to my knees.

"Italy?"

The evil me's control of my body lightened up. I could move my body again. I stood back up. I covered my face all I could do was cry out. "Germany! I'm so scared! I almost hurt you again!"

Germany reached to me I backed away. "No stay away from me!" I opened the door. "It'd be safer if you left and locked me in here."

"But…" He hesitated he looked down at the floor.

"Please… I'm scared I'll hurt you again." I looked away. I laid my head against the door. Words couldn't explain how I felt right now.

He wore an expression of worry and said. "I don't want to leave you alone if you're scared."

"I'll be fine." I said trying to act tough in front of him. "Please… just go."

He reliantly walked to the door. He paused and looked into my eyes. "I'll stay outside…" He looked away blushing slightly. "So you won't be alone."

"Thank you." I said as he left the room. I shut the door and leaned against it sitting on the floor.

"You don't have to worry, Italien." I heard him place his hand on the door. I laid my hand where I imagined his head would be. "We'll figure something out… we'll help you."

I cried silently. "Thank you Germany. You're the greatest friend ever."

I heard him sigh. "Ja… it was rocky in the beginning but… Italy…"

"Si?"

There was a heavy pause before Germany spoke again. "I can honestly say… I don't think I would have made it this far if it wasn't for you."

I smiled. "Ve really Germany?" I paused and whispered. "I was all ways afraid that you didn't like me."

I heard him sigh. "We've been over this several times, Italien. We are friends, and we will remain friends forever."

I rested my head against the door. "I'm happy we're friends… Hey Germany?"

"Ja, Italy."

"If… I die… will we still be friends?"

"Why would you ask something like that?"

"Please just… answer it."

He paused then finally said. "Ja, I told you we'll be friends forever and that means even after death."

"Good." I whisper. It was a horrible thing to think but I had to, I had to do it to protect everyone. I was getting ready to give in to sleep when I heard another voice.

"Italy? It's me Japan."

"Japan?" I yelped. I almost opened the door to see him but… I hesitated and hung my head and whispered. "I can't let you see me I…"

"I know. Prussia-san told me what was going on."

"I'm glad you're here… You two are the greatest friends I could ever ask for."

I heard Japan sit down by the door as well. I smiled to myself. "I know stuff like that makes you uncomfortable but…"

"It doesn't bother me Italy. We are indeed friends and we shall remain so… even if you westerns are a bit strange."

I laughed lightly I could hear the other two laugh as well. Maybe all I needed was a good laugh. No… a laugh alone couldn't save me. I was starting to feel tired again. "I'm really sleepy."

"Then go to sleep." Said Germany.

"But…"

"Go lay down. We'll be here for you."

I smiled. I didn't want to leave the door. I laid down on the floor I didn't want to leave and lay in bed. I laid my head on my arms. I felt sleep slowly take me but… "Promise you guys will stay here with me." I mumbled sleepily.

"Promise." My fellow nations said.

I closed my eyes. I yawned quietly sleep would be nice if I'm asleep I can't hurt anyone when I'm asleep.

I woke up a little bit later. My face was sore from laying on the floor and I had to go to the bathroom. I looked around to see that it was about midnight now. I got up and rubbed my eyes. I reached for the door then realized that if I left I risked hurting my friends. But I had to go. I stepped out thankfully they weren't against the door so I didn't wake them.

Japan was to the left of the door curled up in a ball with his white coat on top of himself. Germany was on the right side lying flat on his back with his hands behind his head. I had to step lightly to avoid falling over him.

I made to the bathroom in one piece. I left and yawned again I was still so tired. I could hear some talking. I wondered who it was. I inched down the hall to the living room and listened.

"Ja I know but I think West knows what he's doing." I heard Prussia say. I leaned against the wall listening.

"Hopefully," Spain started. "Romano has been so upset since this whole thing started."

I wondered what had happened to my brother. No sooner had I wondered I heard him say.

"Damn it Spain don't talk about me while I'm here." Said Romano.

He laughed. "Sorry Romano I forgot you were sleeping on the couch."

"Not my fault Veneziano locked himself in our room."

I heard a sigh. "There day has been very troubling for him, no?" said France. I heard a click noise like a wine glass. Darn big brother France stole some of my wine.

"Yeah I feel bad for him." Said Spain. "But…" There was a pause. "What if he can't be helped?"

I shivered. Big brother Spain was doubting if I could be helped.

"We can save him." Said Prussia. I heard something being place on the coffee table. "I have no doubt about West saving him."

"And if he doesn't?" asked France.

There was a pause.

"I don't want to hear this." I heard Romano say. I heard what sounded like the couch shifting. Romano must have been getting off the couch.

"Roma I hate to say this but, it is something we should talk about." Said Spain.

"Not without West or Japan." Said Prussia.

I flinched. What would they do if I was un-savable?

 _"See Italy they hate you."_ Said the evil me

I shook my head. The headache was returning. No, please no.

_"You can beg all you want Italy but nothing can stop me."_

I felt dizzy the evil me took control again. I began to walk to the kitchen. I knew what I needed to fix this. I walked over to my knife set. I choose a knife from the block. No please I can't do this.

_"Oh you'll enjoy it Italy."_

I heard walking coming towards me. I heard Romano say. "Maybe Spain is right maybe a drink will help calm my nerves."

The light suddenly came on. I looked back and said with fake sweetness. "Oh hello Romano." I hide the knife against my back.

"Veneziano? So you finally got out of the room." He got a wine glass and poured himself a glass. "Thank God now I can sleep in my bed." He looked back at me with a raised glass. "Unless you don't want me there that is, want one?"

I clutched the knife tighter. "Sure." He looked away to pour the glass.

"Spain was starting to get on my nerves. I hate camping out in the living room." I watched the glass fill inching closer to him. The wine was near the top when he said. "Seriously Veneziano we need to turn that extra room into another room or something."

I raised the knife he turned around. His eyes were closed in a small smile as he held out the glass. "Fratello, when this is over we should do something fun like brothers. I honestly can't remember the last time we spent time together." He opened his eyes.

I lunged at him with the knife. I heard the glass drop and shatter. I pushed him up against the counter holding the knife to his throat.

He screamed to the top of his lungs. "Veneziano what the hell are you doing!"

I smiled evilly. "I'm going to kill you of course."

His eyes widened as I kept talking. "Stupid fratello I'll show you once and for all I'm stronger than what you think."

He screamed again I moved the knife and jabbed it into his hand. He cried out his hand was trapped to the wooden counter.

"You can cry all you want." I looked at him. "But you'll learn to never treat me like a child again." I freed his hand preparing to strike again when someone grabbed me.

"Italy stop! Leave Roma alone!" Yelled Spain. He almost lifted me off the ground trying to get me away from Romano. I swung my arm around. The knife made contact with Spain's leg. He screamed out letting me go. He fell to the ground.

Romano was holding his hand and cried out. "Spain!"

France and Prussia entered the kitchen both tended to Spain who was crying out in pain. I stared at the scene. I had lost the knife in Spain's leg. I moved out the kitchen quickly I was surrounded.

I stepped out into the living room and I heard Prussia yell. "West stop him!" I looked back. Germany and Japan had come down stairs. Japan looked into the kitchen his nearly emotionless face was a mask of fear and confusion. Germany stared at me.

I backed away further into the living room. I had no weapon to defend myself now.

"What did you do?" Germany asked.

I smiled. "Taught them a lesson."

He moved towards me. I glared at him. "Want to learn the lesson too?" I prepared myself for what was coming. I gestured for him to come towards me. "I'm a good teacher come and learn a lesson."

He snarled at me. He ran at me trying to grab me. I dogged him with ease. "You have to try harder than that." I struck him knocking him down to his knees. He looked up at me glaring. I stood over him and said. "Looks like you haven't learned your lesson yet."

I heard Japan yell. "Stop this madness Italy."

I looked up at him. I placed my foot on Germany's chest hoping to pin him with it. "Oh you want to learn the lesson too, Japan?"

He stood his ground and reached to his sword. "Italy please, do not make me hurt you."

I laughed. "You can't hurt me. No one can!" No sooner had I said that Germany grabbed my ankle and knocked me down. I hit the ground hard I thought I heard him apologize. He lifted me off the ground by my arms. I kicked and yelled. Japan tried to help him restrain me. I lashed out and twisted trying to get away from his grip.

"Stop it Italy!" Germany cried out.

I then saw Germany's gun. I knew what to do. I got one hand free and grabbed his gun. I pushed him away and was free now. I leveled the gun at him.

His eyes widened I heard him gasp and say. "Italy don't…no…"

I laid my finger on the trigger.

"Italy no stop it please!" Japan yelled. I knew he couldn't stop me a sudden move and oops the gun could go off.

I had to regain control of my body. I tried to get my arm to lower but the evil me had too much control over me. No. I had to stop this I couldn't keep hurting everyone close to me. With a great struggle I got control over my arm and raise the gun to my head.

"No Italy please don't do it!" Germany cried out. I saw tears forming in his eyes. I heard Japan gasp. I struggled to regain control over my mouth so I could speak to them.

"I… I'm sorry… guys… I have to do this… I can't risk hurting anyone again… I want you to know that I…" I was losing control again. No! I had to end this. I tightened the grip on the gun. I mouthed to Germany. I'm sorry.

My finger was on the trigger. Germany grabbed at my arm the gun went off. I felt darkness taking over. I felt myself falling blood was clouding my vision. Funny as I fell to the ground I realized I didn't feel any pain… I didn't feel anything as the darkness took over.


	6. Sea of thoughts

I had no idea where I was. I seemed to be floating through nothing. I called out the names of my friends and heard nothing. Was I dead? Was that the end of me? Did I save everyone with… my own death?

I heard a voice call out my name. I turned to see the evil version of me. He was slowly fading.

"Idiot… we could have been so great."

I jumped. "You! I…"

He hung his head. "I'm disappointed." He looked at me. "Your stronger than what I thought… I guess it's time for me to go. You won."

"Wait!" I yelled.

He looked at me.

"What are… were you?"

"I told you I am you."

I shook my head. "No you're not. What are you?"

"I'm your dark side. I'm the part of you that you try to hide with your cheerfulness."

I glared at him. "I don't have a dark side."

He laughed. "If you say so." He shrugged. "Just remember whenever you're at your weakest and most vulnerable." He leaned forward. "I'll come back." He stood up. He smiled and laughed as he finally faded away.

It was so dark now. I called out for anyone. "Germany!" I looked around. What was I going to do? I started walking. "Japan!" It seemed like there was nothing for miles around. "Romano!"

That's when I heard people crying. I turned around and I saw a grassy field in the darkness. I ran to it. Laying in the field was a coffin. What the heck? Was I at my funeral? I looked around and saw a tombstone that read: Italy Veneziano a great friend and brother.

I screamed then I saw my friends and family gather around the coffin. It was lowered in the ground I saw Spain standing over dressed as a priest saying a prayer for my journey to heaven. Romano cried loudly. "No. Veneziano. I'm sorry my fratello… I couldn't save you." He wrapped his rosary tighter as he prayed.

I covered my face feeling tears stinging my eyes. I then saw Germany appear by the grave site. It looked like he was crying. He dropped some dirt into the grave and said. "I'm sorry Italy… I failed you…"

No I couldn't be dead could I. I ran up to him. "Look Germany see I'm alive!" He didn't look at me. I grabbed at his arm that didn't work either.

I ran to my fratello. "Romano see I'm still here." I tried to hug him but I went through him. I started to cry. "Come on Romano I know you see me." I ran around him. "Please, see me. Cuss me call me an idiot something."

I ran back to Germany. "Please tell me you see me! I'll even stop sleeping in your bed!"

He ignored me. I cried louder. "Please can't anyone see me?" I balled up my fist and cried out. "I don't want to die!" I fell to the ground crying that's when I heard from behind me.

"I see you Italy." That voice? It couldn't be.

I slowly looked back and before me was someone I hadn't seen in years. My lips quivered before I spoke his name. "Holy Rome?"

Before me was Holy Rome just as he had left me. I jumped to my feet and ran to him. "Holy Rome you came back to me!" I paused. I titled my head and asked. "Is it really you?"

"Yes, it's me Italy I came back."

"But how I thought you died."

He laughed. "Not exactly Italy." He sighed and walked towards me and took my hands. Well mostly my fingers due to the size difference. "I've been with you for a long time Italy."

My voice quivered. "So if you're here then… I'm dead right?"

He shook his head. "You're not dead, Italia."

"No, then what happened? I know I shot myself."

He shook his head. "No you didn't shoot yourself."

"So I didn't die?"

He shook his head. I felt a smile play across my face. "Ve! Yay! I'm not dead!" I cheered then I stopped. "Wait if I'm not dead then where am I?"

"You're dreaming again."

My happy mood decreased. "So you're not here I'm just dreaming you up?"

He frowned. "Yes I am in your dream but…" He hesitated and took my hand again. "I'm still with you. I've been with you for a very long time Italy. And I'll all ways be with you." He said as he smiled.

I raised an eyebrow. "How? Here in my mind?"

He laughed. "I'm not Holy Rome anymore. I'm someone else."

"Who are you then?"

"You'll see."

He began to fade away. "Holy Rome wait no! Don't leave me again." As he faded he seemed to get taller and older a familiar voice called to me. "I'll all ways be by your side, Italy. We'll be friends forever."

I woke up. I was in my bed I heard what sounded like gentle breathing. I rolled over and saw Germany sitting in a chair resting his head on my bed sound asleep. My eyes widened. Holy Rome was… he was… "Germany." I said quietly

He woke up with a start. "Ja, I'm awake." He said yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Fine." He grumbled. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. I then saw that his arm was bandaged up.

I sat up and asked "Are you okay? What happened?" I pointed at his arm.

He looked at his arm. "I…" He started. "Got the gun away from you and it went off…"

My eyes widened. "I shot you?"

He frowned. "Nein it was an accident…"

I felt tears gathering again. No I wasn't going to cry again. That was why I felt blood when I passed out he must have bleed on me when I passed out. I stared at him then it suddenly hit me. "You save me and you got hurt too because of me." I hung my head. "I'm such a terrible friend."

He placed his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay. The injury nothing compared to your life."

I nodded. "Yeah your right. Thank you for stopping me."

"Of course after all we are friends."

I smiled. "Hey I know how about I make you breakfast to make up for it."

He chuckled. "That would be nice but," He pointed at the clock. "It's three in the morning. I don't even get up this early in the morning."

I looked at the clock and tilted my head. "Oh… I didn't know."

He yawned very loudly. He covered his mouth and blushed.

I laughed. "Poor Germany are you tired?"

He nodded.

I hesitated before I spoke again. "Want to sleep in the bed?" I patted the spot beside me.

He looked like he considered protesting but I think he was really too tired to care. He sighed then said "Ja… I guess."

I moved over and he got in the bed. I knew he had to be tired since he didn't list off a bunch of reasons not to be in bed with me. He snuggled into the pillow and mumbled. "Good night." And with that he was asleep.

"Night." I rolled over and tried to get myself to fall asleep. I was worried about everyone. Surely everyone was okay right? After all if anyone got seriously hurt I would have been locked up or something right. My mind was wondering around in circles when I heard Germany say.

"Italy just go to sleep. If you worry all night you'll get exhausted."

I sighed to myself. He was right. I got comfy and fell asleep as well.

When I woke up the sun was shining on my face. Germany was still sound asleep. I guess he really did stay up worrying about me. I got out of bed to my surprise I found Japan sleeping on the floor. How did I not wake him last night?

I leaned over and whispered. "Hey wake up Japan. I'm going to make breakfast."

He opened his eyes and looked at me. He sat up and yawn. "Italy your awake." He rubbed his eyes. "Hai breakfast would be nice."

I smiled. "Okay. I'll get started. Just don't wake Germany yet."

I left my room. I wondered into the kitchen someone had cleaned it up after the fight last night. I sighed wondering where everyone else was. I walked into the living room and found the others.

Romano was asleep on the couch again, Spain was in a chair with his leg up on an ottoman, France was lying on the floor, and Prussia was awake and standing by the door reading the paper.

"Morning." He said nodding.

I smiled. "Hello Prussia… um… did I hurt you?" I asked as I looked away.

"Nein, I'm fine." He laid down the paper and asked. "Did West and Japan stay in your room?"

I nodded. "Si, I'm going to fix breakfast do you want some?"

He grinned. "Ja I would." He looked at the sleeping group. "Want me to wake them?"

I shrugged. "You can do that later." I ran into the kitchen. I found Japan in there starting breakfast. He looked back at me and said.

"I'll help you."

I smiled and we began working on breakfast. In no time flat breakfast was done and everyone had gathered in the kitchen and was chipping in here and there helping with the setting up and cooking. Germany hadn't woken up yet though.

Breakfast was done I decided to wake up Germany. I dashed up stairs busted through the door and yelled. "Germany wake up!" I jumped on him.

He yelped. "Italy get off of me!"

I smiled and laughed. "Ve! Germany breakfast is ready!"

He glared at me. Then he smiled slightly. "I'm glad to see you're starting to act like your old self again."

I got off of him and out of the bed. "Ve I feel much better now." I smiled brightly. "Now I don't have to worry about a thing. Especially when you're around."

He got out of bed and patted me on top of the head like a dog. "I'm happy to have you back Italy."

I smiled and said. "Breakfast is going to get cold." I was getting ready to leave when I stopped and said. "I'm happy to have you back too." I left the room and I heard him say.

"What? I didn't go anywhere."

I walked into the dining area. Romano had set up the table with help from Japan. I smiled brightly seeing everyone happy and content. No one had to worry about me anymore. I realized that Germany was close behind me. I heard him ask.

"Italy what where you talking about earlier?"

I ignored him and said. "Everyone there is something I need to tell you."

Everyone looked at me. I felt myself blush slightly and continued. "I want everyone to know that I am sorry for what I have done." I frowned thinking about the last few days. "I'm sorry for I put you guys through. I'm a lousy friend and brother." I hung my head I couldn't but it into words how bad I felt.

I felt someone place a hand on my back. "You're an idiot Veneziano."

I looked up at my brother. "Romano." I said holding back tears.

He pulled me into his arms. "You don't have to apologize. We are your family after all we will be here for you no matter what."

I pulled away from Romano and looked around everyone was smiling and agreeing. I wiped the tears from my eyes. It was nice to feel so loved. I guess it takes a crisis for me to see how much everyone cared.

I tried to put on a brave face and said. "Thanks guys… you're the greatest friends ever."

I couldn't be any happier. Everything was going to be fine. That creepy evil version of me was gone. I had my friends and family with me. I looked at Germany who smiled. Together we had been through a lot throughout the years but I think this was one of the worst few days of my life. I saw his injured arm and frowned again. I hated that I had done that. I looked at Romano who's hand was bandaged up. Yeah I hurt him too. I looked at Spain who was leaning on France and Prussia. I also hurt poor big brother Spain.

My heart sank none of them deserved this. I don't even deserve friends as good as them. Overwhelming feelings of guilt began to overcome me. Then I felt the darkness of the evil me looming in the background.

_"Remember Italy at your weakest I will return."_

I shuddered. I could hear everyone asking if I was okay. Of course I wasn't apparently I'm insane. I shook my head. No I had to be strong. I had to be strong for them for my friends. I couldn't let him take over again. No not ever again.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I smiled. I smiled the biggest I had ever smiled in my life. I tilted my head much like a little child would do and said to them.

"Ve~ I'm fine. There is no reason to worry about me."

Germany frowned. Maybe he saw through my veil. "Are you sure, Italy?"

I nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just hungry." I clapped my hands together. "Let's eat ve!"

We all sat at the table. Me and Japan passed out plates and food. I forced myself to smile. If I kept telling myself it will be all right then it will be all right, right? Right?

I picked up my silverware and began eating like nothing was wrong. Si this was right. If I kept acting like nothing was wrong then nothing could go wrong. I smiled to myself. I stood up.

I heard bother Germany and Japan ask what was wrong.

"I want you guys to promise me something." I heard everyone agreeing questioning me and everything else. I looked down. I felt tears burning my eyes again. I gripped the table cloth twisting the innocent white cloth in my fingers. "Promise me. Promise me no matter how much I might change that you guys will still stay my friends." I cried harder. I felt someone pat me on the back. I looked up to see Germany.

"Italy I will always be your friend."

Japan lightly placed his hand on my shoulder. "I promise as well Italy."

"Idiot brother." Mumbled Romano. "How could I not promise you that?"

Spain raised his glass. "I promise as well."

France laughed his usual laugh. "But of course Italy."

Prussia nodded. "Ja. The awesome Prussia promises to be your friend and all that awesome stuff. After all it would be un-awesome of me not-"

"Brudder stop it." Grumbled Germany.

I laughed the hardest I had laughed in a while. I knew then that I had true friends and there was nothing I should be afraid of. I smiled. "Thank you everyone."


End file.
